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Insight
(Dragonfly
Ministries
President, Mary Hamrick)
July
2005
My
friend, Martha, came to visit in May. She shared with me that God
is teaching her to have compassion for people. Martha shared that
she can love people, but when it comes to compassion, she runs a little
short – so God was giving her opportunities to learn compassion.
I thought, “I’m glad that God has given me an ample supply of
compassion.” But as Martha spoke, I knew that God had planted a
seed in my heart that He intended to water in the near future.
Soon after, I guess because my eyes were opened to God’s movement in
this area, I started seeing a depth of beauty in people that I had
never seen before – my mom had knee replacement surgery and needed a
place to go for rehabilitation and care. My sister, Sam, opened
her home to mom for about a three week span of time. Sam made ice
packs for mom, scheduled a therapist to come and work with mom, she
took a few days off work to care for mom, and when she returned to
work, she would come home in the middle of the day to prepare lunch for
mom, give medications, and “check in”. Sam would send me regular
updates to let me know how mom was progressing. It wasn’t duty
that drove her but love.
When Sam was caring for mom, she did it effortlessly, gracefully,
without complaint. She lovingly cared for our mother. I
remembered how, when our father was on his death bed, Sam had been
there to be strength even when she didn’t feel strong. I
remembered how, on the day of dad’s death, Sam was there to hold his
hand and to pray him into eternity. And I saw a grace of
character that I can only describe as the love of Christ.
I guess we all have an example in our lives of someone that loves
unconditionally. At least I hope that we have all experienced
this on some level. The Lord has blessed me with many people that
love me unconditionally, who would hold me up in prayer through thick
and thin. I pray that each of you can name people in your life
who you trust, who lift you in prayer, who love you – through thick and
thin. You know, it’s easy for me to love Sam, and my sister
Vicki, and my brother John, and my parents – they have known me
“forever” and no matter what, we laugh together, we cry together, we
lift each other up and we hold each other.
God has also blessed our little family with a closeness that I’m sure
many can relate to. Our daughters are in Texas, yet we are closer
today in spirit and in connection than we have ever been. We are
a 24 hour drive apart, a 3 hour flight apart, and yet the telephone and
email lines keep us connected – heart and soul. Their families
are as much a part of our lives as have ever been.
After mom’s three week period with Sam, I invited her to come stay with
us. She was still using a walker to get around, and sending her
home to fend for herself wasn’t the right thing to do – plus, I
selfishly wanted her to myself for a while. And again, God opened
my eyes to see beauty that I hadn’t seen before.
It’s an amazing thing how, when we’re younger, we take our parents for
granted. But having recently lost my father, it seems that there
is a greater appreciation and need for the love of my mother. She
stayed with us for almost two and a half weeks, and I enjoyed my time
with her so much. When it was time for her to leave, I was
sad. I enjoyed having her sit in our home, sleep in our home, eat
with us and worship with us. I enjoyed every aspect of her
visit. And when it came time for her to go back home, my heart
was overwhelmed with love for a woman that had brought me up to believe
in and love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul and mind.
I share this to say the following. Sometimes I feel so inadequate
in loving others. My heart loves deeply – purely. But when
I get to a point of showing the love, sometimes I find myself pulling
back, for protection purposes. For fear of being hurt or
betrayed, sometimes I just don’t allow myself to reach beyond my
comfort zone and love the way the Bible says I should.
The word “protect” means to shield from danger or loss.
(Webster). How guilty I am of shielding my heart from hurt, from
loss. I recall how, when I learned my dad had cancer, I gradually
began to pull away from him, preparing myself for the hurt that was to
come. When my mom’s best friend, Mama Gayle, had cancer, I recall
how I distanced myself from her so that I wouldn’t feel the hurt so
deeply if she didn’t survive. In my own self-defense, I felt that
if I didn’t allow myself to love too deeply, then the hurt wouldn’t be
so great that I couldn’t bear it. But what does that say about my
faith in God? Doesn’t He say that His grace is sufficient to
carry me through these times? Doesn’t He promise to be with me,
to comfort me, to protect me, to carry me on eagles’ wings through
thick and thin? I should allow Him to be my protector, not my
fears – certainly not walls that I build around my heart.
We have moved three times in our 15 year marriage – it seems that our
normal stay is 7 years in one place and then the Lord uproots us and
moves us to another place to serve. I thank God for the
opportunity to serve Him wherever He sends, but I hadn’t realized the
toll that moving has taken on my heart until after Martha confessed to
me that God was teaching her compassion. It was at that time that
I realized that God is teaching me love.
Even as I write this, I weep. For you see, the Bible says that
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it
is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily
angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in
evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always
trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
(Bible, I Corinthians 13:4-8) I know that I don’t measure up, and I
don’t know that I ever will. But I know that God has shown me the
depth of beauty of those who do love – unconditionally and without
fear. And He has given me a desire to love in that way – to show love,
to share love, to touch and feel and be a part of something so much
bigger than myself – to allow Him to love through me in a way that only
He can do.
The Bible’s definition of “love” and Webster’s definition of
“protection” are contrary to each other – to shield ourselves from hurt
is wrong. God will shield us from unnecessary hurt and He will
comfort us when we do hurt.
The definition of surrender is to yield or to give up. My prayer
for the next while, as God leads and teaches me, is to yield myself to
Him – to go beyond the wall of fear and to allow Him to teach me to
love others in His way. This is a humbling confession to make
because I love people and I would never want anyone to think that I
don’t care about them. I believe that all people are equal – that
those who love the Lord with all their hearts, no matter their
“station” in life, are the prizes in this world. I know that the
passion of my life is to serve the Lord, to minister to the needs of
women and to love them. Yet, I have come to the awareness in the
last few weeks that in order to serve the Lord in completeness, I must
put aside my guard, my fear, and open my heart – knowing that I will
suffer hurt and disappointment, but knowing that the only way to serve
Him is wholeheartedly – with HIS love; knowing that He will protect my
heart and feelings, or He will heal the hurts that come. The
answer to all things is love. I need to learn to allow Him to
love me through others, and to allow Him to teach me to love others
deeply, unconditionally, without fear.
I pray the same for you. Let’s join together in this commitment
to allow God to teach us to love – through trial, hurt, hardship,
beauty, suffering. Let’s be the loving Christians that God has
created us to be – no less than that.
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