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Glimpses
(written
by Harley
Castleberry)
Life’s
Troubles
I was talking on the phone last
week with a friend who also lives in a bedroom community near
Dallas. I live immediately north of the Dallas city limits and he
lives about twenty miles further out in an old community that has seen
recent growth in a very upscale manner. He related to me that on
the previous day, a 10 year old girl near where he lives had been in an
argument with her parents, and as a result, had taken a belt and hung
herself in her room. I watched the daily Dallas papers hoping to
gain more details, but if the story ever appeared, I didn’t see it.
What circumstances cause such a reaction? Was it a result of a
parent that had to win every argument? Was it a childhood temper
that was always allowed to run out of control? In hindsight, was
the subject of the disagreement really that important, or was it
something that left alone, or handled more tactfully, wouldn’t even be
remembered in a week or two? Civil conversation had given way to
an argument. The reassurance of understanding, support, sympathy
and love had apparently taken a back seat. If it was a result of
a domineering, control-freak parent(s), they won, one more time!
Something occurred that caused the child to feel that there was no way
out. She was boxed in. This could stem from a runaway
temper since early childhood, or absolutely no options or solutions,
being provided to the girl. If this child wanted to hurt her
parents, she did, and the hurt she administered will never, never, go
away. Maybe both parties won, in their own way. I am not
trying to judge. I know none of the details. But the life
of a 10 year old should be relatively carefree with safety and abundant
understanding provided at home.
But – I have lived on this planet most of my life; well all of it to
this point, come to think of it. I have been involved in the
rearing of three boys and I must admit, nothing in life, or education
prior to their arrival, even came close to preparing me for the
adventure. In the course of being involved as a husband and
father, I have observed, and experienced, how some human beings deal
with trouble. Take for instance, the baby or small child with a
soiled diaper. At some point the irritation will reach the
monumental stage, and beyond the capability of the child to rectify the
problem. That child is overwhelmed and helpless. For the
moment, that is life’s maximum crisis and one that totally engulfs the
age, experience and abilities level. Enter Mom. She is the
answer to all problems! If you don’t believe it, ask the other
two siblings. She knows how to make a scrape feel better.
She has the recipe for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches – in her
head! She knows how to make you feel better when you’re sick and
how to make cookies and tie shoes and lots ‘n lots of things. Dad
will agree. Mom is the answer to every problem outside of his
work. She cooks, does laundry, irons white shirts, cleans up
messes, assumes the majority of duties for entertaining, does the
shopping, gets up with the kids at night, takes them wherever they need
to go, and is on call 24 hours a day. What a gal! Mom is
filled with love and giving for her whole family, but she now, somehow,
finds herself living in a hectic, confining, demanding, seemingly
unending pressure cooker that comprises her entire world. “How
did I get in this mess? How do I bear up under this ongoing load
of daily responsibility and constant demands?” Mom is approaching
maximum crisis. What is her way out of this maze?
Troubles have a way of frequently testing our individual limits.
Thinking back, that childhood breakup with fondness for one of the
opposite sex hurt in proportion to our understanding and personal
feelings. Remember parents’ terms for such happenings?
“Puppy Love!” Now, such a response was really
reassuring! That puts the hurting individual beyond arms length
and without understanding or support. It happens to everyone when
they are growing up, but a little sympathy, and a personal story from
one or both parents about how they felt, and dealt with such occasions
in their young lives would work wonders. Is it puppy love when an
adult couple splits up? What about experiencing a divorce?
It’s no longer puppy love but a hurt that causes proportionate pain to
the adults. When things like this happen unexpectedly to adults,
it could well fall into the category of a maximum crisis! It is
truly different when we are the one carrying a heart full of pain.
How can we possibly look back in twenty or thirty years and say, “Those
were the good old days!”
We are all caught up in a way of life that is all consuming.
Seems there is something requiring our attention almost
constantly. Unfortunately, I am old enough to know the
difference. I can recall when I was a child, that people often
sat on their front porches in outdoor rocking chairs or cane bottom
chairs, and drank lemonade, and swatted flies with an ever present fly
swatter. This might take place in the early evening, or weekends
and was quite common with elderly folks. People walking by, (yes,
walking) would often wave and exchange greetings or be invited up to
sit a spell. Husbands were breadwinners and wives raised children
and cared for the home. There was free time for the family when
the husband came home after putting in an 8 hour day. After the
dishes from the evening meal were put away, there was time to read the
newspaper, and listen to the radio shows. The radio shows were
fertile ground for cultivating a good imagination. Then it was
time for baths and bed. I don’t know if the word “hectic” was
even in the dictionary then.
The well known pianist, Victor Borge told a story of a young man who
was so much in love with a girl that he honestly thought he would go
crazy if he didn’t win her. It turns out that in time, the girl
married the young man’s best friend – and he did go crazy!
(Sometimes blessings come in the strangest ways.)
When I was a Junior in high school, the mother of a very close friend
of mine committed suicide. She left a husband, my friend, and his
three little brothers. The dad just kind of unplugged from the
real word, continued with his farming occupation, but it befell my
classmate to pick up the duties of raising three younger
brothers. In essence, he had to assume the role of “mother” and
somehow, he did an admirable job until they were old enough to get on
their own. Sometime after graduation, he rented a small apartment
and the boys lived there with him. After several years the father
married a local widow, and his happiness was restored – that is until
one day he, without explanation, drove his pickup out to the rim of the
canyon and shot himself!
I often heard my old classmate say, “I know that the Bible says that we
will never have more placed on us than we can bear.”
Time passed and the three young brothers moved out to start their own
lives. I recall attending the funeral of the maternal grandfather
who had been a great influence on my friend’s life. The grandsons
were all present – the second oldest had made the trip from his home in
Nevada. It was a very emotional service as some of the family
could not contain their sorrow. A short time after the grandson
returned to Nevada, he went out into his garage and hung himself.
No explanation of his action ever came to light.
Several times thereafter I have heard my friend remark, “I know that
the Bible says that we will never have more placed on us than we can
bear” but I think God has misjudged my strength!
I haven’t seen this friend in years. He moved to Arizona, and we
communicated a few times thereafter. I have lost track of
him. He was a very good looking young man who, in spite of what
life had dealt him, was fun to be around. The girls had no
trouble spotting him. At one time he told me that he didn’t know
if he would ever get married based on what he had experienced with his
parents.
Why do things like this happen? I hope that you don’t think that
I asked this question in order to give you the answer. I
certainly do not know! But this much I do know – when Adam and
Eve broke God’s command, this whole earth became the domain of
Satan. And, it will remain so until the return of Christ to this
earth. There is no need to blame God for the bad things in our
lives. God gives only good things – period! I cringe when I
hear of weather calamities being labeled as “acts of God.” Not
so. Well, what is the source of evil? We both know.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love
God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans
8:28 Don’t take my word for it – look it up!
God likes a cheerful giver! “Every man according as he
purposeth in his heart, so let him, give; not grudgingly, or of
necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.”
II Corinthians 9:7 On that basis, do you feel that this is the
only area of our lives in which God observes our attitudes? I
believe that how we handle adversity, and troubles in our lives will
show up on our final report card. What kind of example do we set
as Christians if we go through life cursing God, and everything that
goes against our wishes? Remember the best friend? He went
crazy – not the young man who lost what he thought was the love of his
life. I’m certainly not the brightest bulb on the tree, but I am
aware of “the course of least resistance,” and I know that my faith has
grown very little when everything is going well. It’s a painful
way to learn, by experiencing adversity, but after the scabs have
fallen away, I can attest that I am a better person as a result of the
experience. The first benefit that I think of is, with faith, I
was given the strength to endure. Secondly, I have learned (the
hard way) that a new door has been opened wherein I now have the
understanding and insight whereby I can have empathy with another who
is hurting. I can give hope based on sharing how I faired during
my time of trouble. If you’re wondering – yes, some personal
experiences are embarrassing to share with others, but if God has
manifested his love and helped me, and I don’t share my faith and
increased knowledge, God gets little credit and no glory for coming to
my aid.
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