More Glimpses

Glimpses

(written by Harley Castleberry)

Didja Ever Wonder Who

by H. G. Castleberry

Get this, Sports Fans and fellow Culture Lovers –

Did you ever wonder who sets the everyday standards which we obediently accept as ultimate wisdom? It is said that “ignorance is bliss” and I’ll confess that I’m pretty happy most of the time. But, sometimes I get to wondering where some these accepted standards originate, and admittedly there are a few of the unknown “originators” that I wouldn’t mind meeting in an alley with an extremely low level of illumination.

It was just this morning that the lid popped off my curiosity container because of an article that I was reading during breakfast. It seems that at a family gathering, also during a meal, one family member introduced a new topic into the conversation. It had to do with abbreviations, symbols, type fonts and etiquette concerning e-mail! Etiquette? I have heard for quite some time that it is rude to send messages in all caps. It can be construed as the sender yelling at the reader. Maybe so, but it would be well to remember that most of us learned to write using all capital letters. Consider your source! And, as a result, are the majority of first grade teachers an offended species? Today’s revelation for me was that it is not nice to use the exclamation point in e-mails! Apparently a sentence ending with an exclamation point is like the first cousin to a sentence written in all caps! We need to watch those exclamation points! Personally, I always thought that being able to use characters from the top row of keys showed keyboard proficiency. Silly me! Starting immediately, I’m going to try to cut down on the use of exclamation points!

Just in case none of this has rung your bell, and you’re not yet tying any of this to the title, let’s look at the more obvious. Who determines the width of men’s ties? Not me! Who is that little rotund tailor, who back in his cluttered work room annually shouts, “Eureka! I have found it!” Lapels on men’s suits for the season will be 3/16’s of an inch wider, and garment manufacturers answer in unison, “Yes, oh great one!” (You’ll note that I am already cutting down on exclamation point usage.)

Who makes the decision on women’s hem lines? Even a casual observer of annual comments by fashion gurus, knows that the hem line issue is more volatile that the stock market – maybe even gunpowder. Whatever has been the standard is now wrong and must be changed. Reminds me of a diet idea I have been working on – “If it tastes good, spit it out!”

Just this week, I know this sounds contrived but honestly, just this week I started noticing the maroon paint jobs on a number of new cars. I mean, from somewhere beyond the abyss, maroon is back! Who made that decision – that the carmakers will follow?

Oh, and the granddaddy of them all – or maybe I should say the grandmother of them all – dining etiquette. I’m talking w-i-d-e r-a-n-g-e! This baby can cover everything from the nails used in the construction of the room in which food will be, or may be served, right down to the placement of napkins relative to due north. Who came up with all the related rules here? I do know for a fact that all this ballyhoo concerning to how one takes on food came into being after Eve made her debut in the garden. That’s exactly right. By the middle ages, more than enough food fashion-consciousness made it a no-no in castles for even men of nobility to reach over and wipe the goose grease from their hands on draperies or wall tapestries. So far, history has not yet uncovered how the lowly blacksmith faired etiquette-wise in his home while gnawing on a pig leg bone. But, nevertheless, the fact remains that someone had set enough standards by then that most men of the day were beginning to feel uncomfortable about eating any meals served indoors. For a few struggling citizens who were able to make a few bucks selling food and ale from their homes, this new curse, “mealtime uneasiness” led to a prosperous new field of business – Taverns! Here men could wear their smelly goat skin vests to the table, stab their knives into the table tops, ready for immediate use during their meals, and be served by wenches with matted hair, who were not trying to indoctrinate the customers with new feeding ideas from some “better living” magazine. Taverns are still “in” and also operate under other names such as “bar,” “pub,” “chuck wagon,” and “saloon.” In the case of the food server on the chuck wagon, just make that a matted hair “male,” but equally unattractive.

Who? And I repeat, who made it a rule that clerks manning “Express Lanes” can be dead for up to no more than one hour, or new trainees who most likely will not be hired full time? Anyone who studies, or has a desire to study slow motion will start to develop meaningful knowledge of the topic by taking Express Lane 101. Don’t expect to rush through this course!

I don’t worry about it much any more, but when I took my first typing class in school, I wondered many times who placed the alpha characters on the keyboard in the manner in which we find them, but arranged the numeric keys in order.

This is a real beaut! Have you bought a new couch or easy chair lately? We recently had that misfortune. A high percentage (a very high percentage) of such furniture currently in production is made for giants with hunch backs. Don’t take my word for it. Go check it out. The seats are so deep (front to back) that a an individual needs a minimum thigh length of 36” in order for their rump to be near enough the back to attempt a normal sitting posture. Of course, if you don’t mind your feet dangling off the front edge of the couch… You will note that I mentioned hunch back (or something similar to it). Since the back of the couch or chair tilts back so far, a person needs “something” back there to take up some of the space, thereby raising them into a more upright position. Otherwise, it’s like sitting in a permanent semi-recliner. O.K., if not for giants, professional hunch back basketball players. Let me further explain what it is like to try to sit on one of these huge malformed, contraptions. During a potential-buy test, I laysit/sitlay (your choice) and tried to envision viewing our console TV at an imagined realistic distance. The sensation could be compared to viewing a drive-in movie from a distance while peering over the top if a hill. My head was leaning so far back, my stomach was blocking my vision of the lower part of the screen. Again I ask, who set the standard for such ridiculously exaggerated furniture? If you find a human, man or woman, who is built right to sit comfortably on today’s typical living room/den furniture, do not make the mistake of getting “smart” with them or talking back! (That exclamation point is there for a very good reason.)

Who is it that brainwashed Americans into believing that “the separation of church and state” is in the U. S. Constitution? Or, for that matter, anywhere else in our nations laws? If you say, “I know!” “I know! Politicians!” You’re right, but it is found in the Communist Manifesto. And, it works like oil on water for our politicians who want to silence the voice if Christians.

Have you ever wondered why it was necessary to follow the music timing exactly (as possible) when in school? Did some of your grammar papers come back with so many red marks that a detective might suspect a homicide had occurred? All that red because you did, or didn’t (that’s correct did or didn’t) place a comma after the words and, or, and but? Did you use a fragmented sentence? It’s a wonder you’re alive today! Well, WHO gave permission for professional singers and recording artists to hold notes many times longer than written, to add meaning or emphasis to what they are singing? Another way of saying that is, they “stylized” the song, and it sold a million copies! And WHO gave permission to professional writers to insert fragmented sentences, just because that’s the way a character actually talked? If every written word that a character – say a hoodlum – spoke sounded like it came from the lips of an English professor, would some of the dynamics of the story be lost? Could we correctly envision his character and personality? When a pro writes that way, it’s called “literary license.” When we do it, we are called “ignorant.” Who made those rules?

Remember seeing pictures of Pilgrims holding their guns with barrel ends that looked like a bugle? Those babies were known as a blunderbuss. Wicked, wicked looking instrument. After taking a serious look at the business end of one of those, any turkey with half a bird-brain would know that they would be far better off in the oven than being shot with that thing. Any enemy, knowing that they might be shot with a miniature tuba would be quaking in their Roman sandals. Even with the fear factor of the appearance of the weapon, someone said, “Enough! From now on, all rifle and shotgun barrels will no longer have flared muzzles.” Now, WHO did that? What could have possibly been wrong with a bugle muzzled gun? Granted, the design contributed no useful purpose, but didn’t they look great?

And one more from current events: WHO has set the design patterns for men’s shoes for the past many years? Some of those styles, and I use that term very loosely, make me feel that I would be more comfortable in public by just polishing my feet and going barefoot. Of course “wing tips” and versions of “cap toe” styles can still be found, but neither fall into the category of something you would want to wear casually. “On my days off, I like to slip into a pair of shorts, pull-over shirt and a pair of wing tips.” Are you really comfortable with the looks of all these running, jogging, leaping, trotting, skipping and walking shoes? I’m sorry, but I still do a double-take when some little old man idles up behind me in the check out line and he is wearing some sort of interplanetary space shoe that is far beyond his physical capability. Racing stripes, lightning-bolts, autograph models; most with soles that look very much like the treads found on Euclid mining truck tires. Most shoes now must have a square toe. Sorry, my feet were not built in that format and I am past the age of kicking boulders. Who is inflicting men with this stuff? I’ll be glad to talk with him in my office. It’s just down the alley a piece.

If you know WHO? on these troubling issues, I’d sure like to know. Also, let me know if you get work. Oh, and thanks!!!!

Harley