Home
One evening
I was sitting on my parent’s porch watching the sun disappear behind the
treetops. I saw my Dad open the barn doors, then heard the familiar
sound of his John Deere tractor starting up. Above the noise he yelled
out to my son, “Hey – want to go for a ride?” Ryan always jumped
at a chance to sit with Pop on the tractor, a chance to take hold of the
steering wheel and maneuver the large machine across the open field… a
chance to spend time with Pop just talking about “things” as they crawled
along. I smiled at the sight of these two cowboys riding off into
the sunset, with chains clanking, engine humming and muffled voices – until
they too disappeared behind the trees.
Darkness
came. The moon shined brightly and stars began to fill the sky.
Mosquitoes came and went and fireflies danced along the edge of the garden.
These were the nights I loved as a child and longed for as an adult.
I propped
my feet up, leaned back into the chair and studied the stars. Trying
to remember what Dad told me long ago about the Big Dipper… let’s see…
there it is… then, if I imagine a line connecting the two stars at the
front of the dipper they point to the North Star… there… the bright one.
I remember him telling me that explorers used it as a compass because it
stayed in place. I guess I always felt a sort of comfort knowing
it was there… believing if I ever got really lost I could use it to find
my way home.
Home…
I spent sixteen years in Texas longing to return to it, but now that I’m
here… is this what my heart was hungry for? Is “home” this old porch
and the four walls just beyond the doorframe? Is it my family?
My children? Or the new home we’ve established? Or is “home”
something much larger than that? Something not made of brick and mortar.
I’ve
heard it said that, “Home is where the heart is.” If that’s true,
then perhaps I know what home is after all. Cause at this moment
my heart is out there riding around on a tractor with my son and father.
It’s also sitting in a movie theatre with my teenage daughter and her friends.
It’s standing with my mother drying a dish in the kitchen and rocking with
my brother as he holds his baby girl. It’s on this hill, in the trees,
the fields… the pond. It’s in the sounds, the smells… and in all
that’s familiar to me… all that is dear to me. Home.
Over
the years there have been times when I’ve drifted away from “home” -- times
when I haven’t been true to it. There have been times when I found
myself in places and wondered how I got there… times when “home”
couldn’t be found because I didn’t know where my heart was. But through
it all, God has been my North Star. He has always, ALWAYS been there.
And when I get lost, if I just remember to look to Him – He helps me find
my way. He is “…a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105
My dream-like
state ended with the faint but growing sounds of clanking chains and engine
noises. I saw a light cutting through the darkness. First it
illuminated the trees, then the field… then headlights appeared.
Ryan and Dad… home.
