REFLECTIONS
Featured writer, Patty Zemanick
A
Better Listener
In the Year
of our Lord – Nineteen Eighty and Seven I was given a collection of record
albums called Round Midnight: The Nelson Riddle Sessions with
Linda Ronstadt. They quickly became my all-time favorite albums,
with songs like “For Sentimental Reasons,” “I’ve Got a Crush on You,”
and “When I Fall in Love.” I played them again and again but
the record player eventually bit the dust and was replaced with the new
best thing – a CD player. I didn’t, however, replace my old albums.
Weeks
ago while surfing the net, I came across my beloved Round Midnight Collection
on CDs and purchased them immediately. Then waited with great anticipation
for them to come in the mail. It took one month, two days, 4 hours
and 35 minutes from the time the order was placed ‘til they reached my
home – but who’s counting? The important thing is they arrived.
My CDs are here and I get to play them. Yippee!!!
Then
a voice… my daughter’s voice… yelling down to me from her bedroom upstairs…
“Mom
– tomorrow at PE we start swimming lessons. I have to have a one-piece
swimsuit. All I have is a two-piece. If I don’t have a one-piece
I can’t do PE and I get a zero for tomorrow’s class. Can we go to
the store and get one tonight? Please???”
My immediate
thoughts were…
It’s
snowing outside.
Where
do you get a swimsuit when it’s snowing outside?
Why
does she wait til the last minute to tell me these things?
And,
how much will it cost me to buy a swimsuit when it’s snowing outside?
Then
another voice… my son’s voice… yelling to me from the living room…
“Mom
– if you’re taking Lindsey to Dick’s Sporting Goods, can I come?
I want to use some of the money I’ve been saving to buy a hockey stick.”
Then
yet – another voice… my voice this time (inside my head)…
Rats!
I don’t want to go to Dick’s Sporting Goods. It’s snowing outside!
I want to sit down, pop my new CD in and just listen. But off we
go to Dick’s Sporting Goods to buy a swimsuit and a hockey stick… yeah.
Before
I left, it occurred to me that I could play the CD in the car on the way
to the store and brought it along. At last… the orchestra began…
the music soared… (I got goose bumps and everything) and Linda belted out…
“What’s new…how is the world treating you”… I zoned out.
Completely zoned out. Funny how old songs can do that, how they can
take you back in time.
Then
a voice… my son’s voice (again)…
“Mom
– you know that problem I’m having with Ms. Johnson’s class – well I think
it’s because…”
I cut
him off...
“Ryan,
I’ve been waiting for weeks for this CD to come and I’m finally getting
a chance to listen to it. Please, give me a couple of minutes
to do nothing but listen…” and I turned the volume up.
Did you
catch that? I TURNED THE VOLUME UP! Wow. That stinks.
Can you believe I responded to my son like that when all he wanted was
for me to listen? I looked at his face in the rearview mirror. His
expression showed disappointment and hurt. I was ashamed that I’d
chosen to listen to a CD over listening to my son. I turned the music
off and said, “Ryan – what were you were saying?” He said,
“Never mind Mom – just go back to listening to your music.” There,
I’d lost it. A chance to know my son better, to help him with something
that had been troubling him and I didn’t take it. A moment that would never
come again in just the same way. How I wish I could rewind the minutes
and have a second chance. A chance to do it right.
When
I tucked Ryan into bed that night I told him how sorry I was – that I’d
made a bad choice. He said he’d forgive. As I walked toward
my bedroom I whispered, “God – how often do I do this to you too?
How often do I ignore your voice?” I suddenly saw myself… busy
with fruitless activities, watching TV, driving along with country music
blaring on the radio, talking on the phone, surfing the net… Once more,
I felt the sting of shame.
Father
God,
Please
forgive me.
Help
me to be a better listener.
Thank
you for being the God of second chances.
Amen.
And God
responded…
Come.
Sit beside me. Don’t speak. Listen.
Patty
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