I
was sinking deep in sin,
Far
from the peaceful shore;
Very
deeply stained within,
Sinking
to rise no more.
But
the Master of the sea,
Heard
my despairing cry;
From
the waters lifted me,
Now
safe am I.
Love
lifted me,
Love
lifted me;
When
nothing else could help,
Love
lifted me.
In the weeks
to come I want to share with you the meaning of these words in my
life and what they can mean in yours. He loves you so much. God loves
you as much as He ever will. Your good deeds do not increase His love for
you just as your sin does not decrease His love for you. His love is complete,
consistent, and eternal. God really loves you. In the book of Psalms chapter
139, David writes, "His sweet thoughts of you and me are more in number
than the grains of sand." If you’ve been to the seashore or beach, then
you know that if you plopped down and began to count just a tiny square
inch of sand grains it would take hours and hours. That’s the time He spends
thinking lovely thoughts of you! He loves you so much. Come walk with me
as He ministers to both you and me. I love you. I care.
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“LOVE
LIFTED ME,
LOVE
LIFTED ME"
(Part 2)
I was not
only sinking, I had sunk. I had wandered out way over my head. My
choices had left me floundering in waves that were crashing all around
me. I was scared; I was angry; I was lonely and I needed help. I
needed a lifeguard. I needed someone to rescue me.
I had
sinned. My sin separated me from the Lord. I had given my life to
the Lord at the age of 7. I had walked with Him and talked with Him.
I had even shared my testimony of His love with other people. They had
come to know Him. How had I wandered so far out over my head?
First,
it was just a little temptation. Then as I gave in to the little ones,
they got bigger and bigger until I sank! I was in heart-wrenching pain
and fear overtook me. Oh, how my tummy ached with pain deep within.
My longing for that peace I had once known was out of my reach.
I lay
face down on my bedroom floor and cried out, "Lord, if you love me, show
me. I’m lost without you." As the days went by, I picked
up the Bible and held my head above water so I could make my way through
the Psalms. Waves tryed to knock it away. “Sinking to rise no more.“
When
I arrived at Psalms 40 here were the words that “lifted me”.
1.
I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.
2.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
3.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.
Each
day he continues to be my Savior and my Redeemer. It’s not always easy
but God is always faithful. I love Him. I want to please Him.
I want you to know He loves you. He is ready to rescue you from whatever
slimy pit you may have fallen into. You are of great value to Him.
God does not see your sin! Jesus has washed it away. God sees
you as His loving child.
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HE
SUSTAINS ME
(Part 3)
In
the past weeks I shared my beginnings, my fall and my being raised up.
“O
Lord, my God, I called you for help and you healed me.” Psalms 30:2
He lifted
me up according to His promises.
…”though
we fall, we will not be utterly cast down;
for
the Lord upholds us with His Hand.” Psalms 37:24.
"Thank
you, Jesus. Thank you, God. Thank you for your restoration."
Frankly,
I wondered, how could my Lord possibly restore this scarred and battered
creature who had found solace in her misery. Of course He gave me
this verse.
“Restore
to me the Joy of Your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain
me.” Psalms 51:12
God’s
gift of salvation was His to restore within me. This gift of salvation
is for you too! As the days crawled by this verse sustained me. I
prayed, “Restore
to me the Joy of Your Salvation Lord, and grant me a willing spirit to
sustain me.” I
held on to its every word. A promise from God to me. A promise from God
to you! He loves you.
“.
. .a willing spirit to sustain me.”
How, much I needed that. Some days I wanted to go back to my old
ways. I wanted to give up. Nothing had changed even though
I was back home with the Lord.
".
. .a willing spirit to sustain me.” Empty.
Lonely. My husband still busy with no time for me. Lies still
being told to me by the deceiver, Satan himself.
"
. . .a willing spirit to sustain me.”
I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you there were days when I doubted that He
could have possibly forgiven me. I had sinned against the Lord my God,
against my husband, daughter, friends, and other ones that I proclaimed
to love.
"
. . .a willing spirit to sustain me.” Lonely,
so lonely. It seemed like there was no one that I could turn to for comfort
and wisdom. I had alienated myself from everyone. You see, when we
sin, we hide. We don’t want those close to us to know, so we hide.
".
. .a willing spirit to sustain me.” After
all, I had made wrong choices in my life. I didn’t seem to be able
to make right choices - choices for my well-being and for the Lord to be
able to continue His work in my life.
However,
there was one woman. She played in the handbell group at church with
me. She had heart problems for years. Things would never get
better they said. However, she always smiled and seemed to have peace
and joy.
One day,
she asked if we could talk. She suspected my heart had problems.
Not my physical heart but my spiritual heart.
I drove
to the park in Georgetown, Texas. I circled the park several times
waiting for her to tell me where to park; for her to tell me where to stop.
She didn’t. We just rode in silence. Finally, she suggested
we get out and walk and talk. I struggled with where to park, where
to walk, where to talk. I didn't want to make the decision.
So I just stopped and parked right where I was so I would not have to decide.
There
is a little river that runs through the park. We walked and talked
in one direction. As we neared the edge of the park we turned and
we started walking in the other direction. I was sharing with her
my innermost feelings. I could tell that she cared about my pain
more than the details of my story. We kept walking and getting closer
and closer to a ravine of water that forked off the river. I was
thinking, 'surely she will turn or we are going to walk right off into
the water'. It was about a 5 foot drop.
She kept
walking with me toward the water as if she didn’t see it. We kept
walking and talking. I was getting quite annoyed that she wasn’t
turning around or making her way around the ravine. As we made our
way toward the drop, my stomach churned with fear. I knew we were
going to fall into the water. With frustration I thought, “Why isn’t
she turning? Why isn’t she turning?” I didn't want to
make the decision to turn - I wasn't good at decisions. Finally,
in the last seconds I said, “Don’t you think we should turn?”
She replied, “ What do you think we should do? You decide
and I’ll go with you.” On that day, God gave me ".
. .a willing spirit to sustain me.”, a friend
to teach me, to help me begin to come out of hiding.
God daily
provides
". . .a willing spirit to sustain
me.”
Sustain
me through difficult choices, through tough times,
through
disobedient times, God is faithful to sustain me.
He is
all I need!
I love
you…we’ll talk later,
Martha
Footnote:
My friend's name is Kathy Rodriguez. She has gone
to be
with the Lord now. She left this world in January
of 2001.
She is missed so much by her husband
Roland
and her daughter Kammie and her son-in law and
her
new grandbaby who will celebrate a first birthday
soon.
They rest in knowing she is with the Father who loves
her
and loves them.
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NOW
HE HAD LIFTED ME
(Part 4)
Now He had
lifted me but to what?
To look
into the face of all the people from whom I had been hiding. Reflections
of approval, anger, happiness, disapproval, and judgment. All man’s approval.
Well that scared and still scares me.
I began
to work my journey of "Joy" to the sum of pleasing others. If I could
claim happiness, then I would be happy and those around me would be happy.
Joy would become my theme word. I would have collections of things
that said “Joy”. I would read books about Joy. I would tell others,
“I like the word Joy, it reminds me to be that way.” I, I , I.
"Joy to You" was the phrase I put on my cell phone. My dog is named
Joy.
Little
did I know where this was leading. Little did I see what was coming. I
had taken possession of the gift that only belongs to God. “……The
Joy of the Lord is my strength.”
Nehemiah 8:10 I had altered the words of God to “The Joy of Martha
is her strength.” Martha 1:1. Not my joy but The Lord’s Joy!
I had
stolen. I had robbed Him of His joy and claimed it as my own.
Therefore, Martha could look good. Martha could look happy! Martha could
hand out joy as she willed.
I’m sure
those who knew me best, and maybe those who didn’t, saw through this charade
of “Reach for the Joy”. For there were times of tirade and loss of
direction and depression. Times of not knowing how to cover my latest
failure. Anger bouts and mouthy sessions as if I had the right to
express my feelings to others but when they expressed their feelings -
poor me - I was hurt. I still fought on, stating, “I don’t
tell others what I see wrong in their lives, why don’t they leave me alone.
Why does everyone feel the right to correct me?” As I write these
words, I cringe. How high and mighty I had placed myself.
Until
one day, I crashed. Exhausted in a heap. Failure. Failure to please everyone.
People began to voice their fear of me. I never understood that. They would
say, “We’re afraid of her.“ Afraid? Afraid of what? I wouldn’t
hurt a fly intentionally unless I felt threatened.
Threatened.
What threatens the “scorpion” that just wants to be left alone? The only
time its stinger uncurls is when it feels an approach of something. It
feels threatened. Scared. Afraid of being squished under some big foot.
I was frightened of being thrown back into the ocean from where I had been
lifted.
“Love lifted me.”
"So
Love, I said, Do you keep holding me up? Did you set me up on the
shore? Or are you just dangling me above the high waves below?
Am I still in the bondage of fear? Fear of what? Fear of being found out?
Being found out about what? Fear of being found out that I’m only
human. That I’m not God but only His child. I want freedom.
I want freedom from fear. Take the shackles off. Oh Lord, kneel me
to only please you. Only you, please Lord. Where the opinions of others
cringe in wait beyond your awesome humongous shelter of your opinion of
me. Your child - your adopted child. By grace. You died for me. By grace
am I saved. By grace I know you chose me. I don’t know why. I don’t deserve
it. I don’t begin to understand it. I don’t know why I’m so lonely
in such a world full of people. I don’t know why everyone is afraid. I
don’t want worldly solutions to calm my anger. I don’t want false
words from well-meaning friends that reassure me that I’m okay. I knew
I wasn’t."
"Lord,
I need you every moment of every day. I look around and know there
are many who don’t seem to need our Lord quite the way I do. I’m
jealous. Lord, why must I totally yield this body, this mind, this
will to you? Yet, I must die daily. I must not reign in my life.
I must give up. Lord, you have to do the work. I’m helpless without you.
I want a miracle. A miracle I can not claim in any form or fashion.
A miracle that the change be so great that all who know me and might know
me in the future will know the change came from you. I’m scared of what
you might do to answer this plea. But Lord, please, I can’t go on this
way. My life is futile if I am not serving you 100%. Yielded...Hands
up...Vulnerable to your working in my life, using me to do your work."
Now
what? I went to bed and waited.
"Oh
yeah, I love you Lord. As lame as it is and as Peterish as it is.
“Feed my sheep…” I love you. All alone, sitting here in front of my computer
- I love you - I simply love you. Let me have eyes to see you at
work, hope to go on, love for others."
Do I
learn the hard way or what?
Stubborn
child of God, I love you. God loves you, readers of this page. He
loves you so much that He stands by as we learn the hard way. Some have
to see the scars to believe “He has risen”, others only have to look into
His face. Then there are those that just have to hear about His resurrection.
But let me tell you forthright - He loves us all the same. He comes
to each of us, gently, consistently, faithfully and waits. He stands
there and waits until we look up into His face and say“Father,
I’m home.”
Be filled
with His joy,
Martha
“May
the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so
that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit”
Romans 15:13
Little
note of joy: Now that we’ve covered the lifting and have realized
it is His Joy, I will be sharing with you the many meanings of "Joy" from
God’s Holy Word. Remember He loves you and I pray that all who read these
pages be filled with His Joy! For there and only there will you find peace.
Me too!!! You are not alone.
