Choosing
Joy
So you
want joy, then admit you have none. Admit you are empty, void of any spiritual
“feeling” or earthly “hope”. Read the following and then I’ll explain.
My life
has not been “normal”, whatever that means. While children ran in
small groups, I always seemed to end up alone; you know, the last one picked
for a team. I played outside by myself on the “monkey bars” while
others played team games; I sat at lunch by myself all through my school
days, and as a result I developed a passion for reading. Mom and Dad would
whisper in bed at night, ”We pray she’ll find a husband, we don’t see how
though.”
While
my own daughter was growing up, she was always pointing out that I was
not normal like other moms; I always felt different.
I was
extremely passionate of just about every event in my life, whether I had
instigated the event or it was to someone else’s credit. I had high-pitched
screams when scared and sobbed loudly when sad or hurt. I yelled with zest
when angry and laughed heartily when happy. I knew there was a time for
everything but I chose to follow my own instincts. As a result, judgement
came my way. It was at a cost. I often made a fool of myself.
I share
this with you, not for sympathy but rather to relate. “Can you relate?”
In 1975
I met and married the perfect man or so I thought. He played football in
high school, he was the Valedictorian and he attended the University of
Texas. He searched for a Godly wife to be by his side and be a mother
to his children. He was mild-mannered, not much strung this man out. In
fact, I can’t think of anything that pushed him “over the edge”. Boy did
I have my work cut out for me. I would “humanize” this creature before
it was all over. About the only thing we had in common was that we
both wanted people who knew the Lord to be our mates.
Through
the years, I have wondered why God put us together. We are so different.
I like summer and he likes winter. I like peanut butter and he likes bologna.
I like to eat at home and he likes to eat out. I like funny reality
movies and he likes action non-thinking movies. I love the water and he
is a landlubber. I have to always be creating something or writing or reading.
He likes to just sit, mummified, in front of the television. Yet,
I love this man with every ounce of my being. However, I didn't always
feel this way.
At the
ripe old age of 20 I wed. In fact, I stood at the altar and proclaimed
to God, silently, please give me a love for Doyle. I know he loves me.
Help me to love him with that same kind of love. Years passed, and the
storms came and many times we thought it was over. I did my share to destroy
what God had planned a long time ago. Remember, I wasn’t normal and
I had set out to prove it. Well…to make a long story short,
I hit rock bottom. I wanted to give up, call it a life, and check
out. That was it. No reason to go on. I was miserable. If anything could
go wrong it did. Bills piled high. Trust was broken. Relationships were
hurt. Depression set in.
Then
one day I admitted to God. I have no joy. Lord, if I’m to make it I need
joy. I have none. I began to read scriptures.
Psalms
30:11 “You took away my clothes of sadness and clothed me in happiness.”
Psalms
68:19 “Praise the Lord, God our Savior, who helps us everyday.”
I began
to claim His promises. I began to believe the Lord could take away my sadness.
I believed that He helped me everyday even when I saw no evidence. I chose
joy. Slowly it came in spite of life’s circumstances. Scriptures kept leaping
out at me. God was either a “big fat liar” or He was telling me the truth.
Jesus is the Truth.
Psalms
138:7
“Even
when I have trouble all around me, you will keep me alive.”
I smiled.
How could that be? Slowly, one day at a time I looked at the little things
I had been given and I said thank you. Thank you for the sun and water
to drink. Little by little through the years He has brought me through.
Sometimes I get scared and worried but then I remember and get back to
reading His promises that He made to ME! He’s made them to you if
you are His child. Only believe. It’s not always easy but it is always
there. Joy is always there.
My favorite
verse.
Psalms
31:24
“All
who put your hope in the LORD, be strong and be brave.”
God must
have known we were going to need to be brave and strong in order to trust
Him and that it would be by faith and not by sight. It’s what we
know, not what we see. Wow, that’s hard for a child and it’s hard for an
adult. Faith…true faith, believes that He is at work when there is NO evidence
to the contrary. Only Believe.
Psalms
37:5
“Depend
on the LORD; trust Him, and He will take care of YOU!
Your
normal friend who loves and cares about you,
Martha
Praying
always for those who read these writings...
