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NEEDHIM
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I Was Lost
June 2003
by Aharon
(last
name intentionally withheld)
I was raised in a
traditional, yet secular Jewish family. Being Jewish to me was cultural.
Hebrew school was like a social gathering where I learned Hebrew on the
side. I got to take a few days off my secular school days when there were
the Jewish festivals like Rosh Hashanah, or Yom Kippur. At age 13, I had
my Bar Mitzvah. I did not really believe that there was a God. It
wasn’t important to me. My gods were pleasure, sports and myself.
One night when I was 16 years old, my best
friend and I were on our way home from a party and had an accident. He
was killed. This was a horrifying experience, but also the beginning of
my search for answers to some of life’s mysteries. I started attending
the Synagogue on Shabbat. I went looking for some spiritual experience.
My search was very shallow, as I didn’t even know what questions to ask.
In a nutshell, I WAS LOST.
I could not find happiness in the world.
I was successful at sports, representing my city in soccer and softball.
Even though I had a lot of friends, the friendships were very shallow,
as I somehow could not allow myself to get too close to anyone. My family
life was not very happy, and although I had some reasons for blaming my
parents, a lot of the fault was with me. I didn’t even know who I was or
where I was heading.
At this time in my life came a man who started
to work where I was working. One of the first things that he asked me was
what my religious beliefs were. Quite embarrassed and ashamed at my being
Jewish, I was reluctant to tell him. But I did and much to my surprise
he showed a very positive attitude to it. This was the first time that
I had experienced anyone’s acceptance of my being Jewish. Even though
this man was a Christian, he started to talk to me of his love for the
Jews and the God of the Jews. This began to excite me. He not only
took an interest in something that I was embarrassed and ashamed of, but
he started to show an interest in me.
For a period of about a month after our
first meeting I must have talked with him at least a few hours every day.
We talked about his belief in God, his past, his views about life, etc.
I really started to like this guy. He could really understand where I was
at and identify with my search and struggling with life’s problems. But
much to my surprise most of the answers to my problems and questions came
from a source that was foreign to me, and that was the Bible.
To me the Bible was a storybook for kids
to learn a few good lessons in life. But I never knew that it had so much
practical help for life’s issues, such as: who we are, where we come from,
and why we exist. The more I started to hear and read from this book the
more pieces to the puzzle of life I found.
I was beginning to see the world and myself
with completely new eyes. What was going on in my life? Everyone at my
work could see the change in me. I was even starting to feel bad when I
would do or say something wrong. Where was this all heading, I wondered.
One verse that spoke so loudly to me was
from the New Testament. "You shall know the truth and the truth shall set
you free." I realized that in many ways my life was not a life that
I could call "free". I felt like I was prisoner in many ways and the more
that I tried to free myself the deeper the imprisonment. What was trapping
me and how could I get free?
The next verse that really spoke to me from
the Bible was also found in the New Testament. "Behold, I stand at the
door and knock. If any man hear my voice and open the door I will come
in and sup with him and he with me." These were the words of Jesus Christ,
someone who I really didn’t have much of an opinion about. He was always
a foreigner to me. But all of a sudden he became real to me. He became
alive to me. This was more that just an emotional experience. This was
something that was turning my life upside down. What was I going to do?
At this point I was convinced that Jesus
was more that just a historical figure. I understood very clearly that
the one true Holy God in heaven was showing me through His Word. I had
never called upon him. I had gone my own way in life and that I was the
master of my life, not him. One day while I was talking to my Christian
friend we saw a rainbow in the sky precisely at the time that we were talking
about God's faithfulness to His Covenants. What was I to do? How could
I deny that God was not knocking on the door of my heart?
After checking the scriptures I was convinced
that Jesus fulfilled the messianic prophecies and was the sacrifice for
my sins. I remember praying a prayer, saying that I believe that you are
real and that you are alive. I invite you into my heart. Set me free.
This part was settled in my heart and in
my mind. There was no person that could tell me that I was deceived. Along
with everyone at work, I knew that I was a changed person. Not only because
I understood how lost I was; but that there is a personal God that came
and who wants to have a close relationship with me.
The part that wasn’t settled in my heart
was how to tell my family. Deep down I knew that this was going to be a
difficult thing not only for me to tell them but also for them to accept.
They had often told me through the years that Jesus was not for us and
that the Christians are our enemies. Although I knew that they would take
it hard, I felt that I could not hide it from them.
The day I told them was the last time that
I saw them for number of years. They told me that I had been brainwashed
and deceived. The hardest part was when my father told me that I was no
longer his son and that I was no longer welcome at home.
Over the next few years I experienced that
there is a Father who was and will always be watching over me. His hand
was with me as I attended a Bible School. In the early 90's I immigrated
to Israel. In 1999 I married a Jewish believer, Ariella. We now have two
young children and another on the way. I am currently working in a Jewish
messianic bookshop. Our staff has a concern for people that are lost just
like I was. I thank God that he sent this Christian man to show me the
way. Now I can say, "Whom have I in heaven but thee; there is nothing on
earth I desire but thee; my flesh and my heart may fail me; but God is
the strength and my portion forever.” Ps 73:25,26
Aharon
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