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NEEDHIM
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My
Spiritual Journey
by: Mary Black
In my younger years, I lived my life for
my “self”, without real purpose …chasing after shallow and meaningless
things. I thought the only way that I could be loveable was through my
looks, being married to a great guy and through my job as a flight attendant.
Traveling to more and more world destinations, chalking up one after another
would make me a more exciting person and I would finally be “Somebody”.
I never felt like I fit in with any one group of people, being insecure
through most of my years. Never wanting to be alone, always feeling alone,
and never able to measure up to the standards others, I was lost in my
search for significance.
Then when I was in my early 30’s, a flight
attendant friend invited me to a Bible Study. I thought it would
be a“good”idea to know what the Bible says. Every person should be
familiar with this “information.” They were studying Genesis, and
the group that I was placed in was very mature…light years ahead of where
I was. At first I thought, “These people are weird, they are all
Jesus Freaks!!!” Most of the time I had no idea what they were talking
about. But when I heard them speak I realized that they had something
that I did not have, and I WANTED it. Some of them had been through
some of the most horrible life experiences, yet they had incredible peace
and faith. They had a place to go with all their fears and troubles.
They had a God who listened to them and cared about even the smallest details
of their lives. They were real people with real problems, just like
me. I kept attending and at first had no idea how to begin to answer any
of the questions so I just kept listening. And the best part was that as
little as I knew, the women in my group embraced me, never letting on that
my answers were wrong or stupid.
At first I picked and chose which truths
worked for me. Some were just too hard for me to accept. But
God worked on my heart and I slowly began to change and grow. The
next year we studied the book of John. It was in the middle of that
study that I asked Jesus to come into my life. I would never be the
same again and I was ready to leave my olds ways behind.
The first thing that changed about me was
that I completely lost my desire to watch soap operas or to use “bad” language.
That change was immediate. I also felt immense relief from
the “performance trap”. It no longer mattered what others thought
about me. It only mattered what God thought about me. If I
put Him first the rest of my life would fall into place. What a tremendous
relief to not have to be in control of my life any more. For I realized
that everything that happens has a purpose, sometimes for me and sometimes
for others.
But in and out of all things, He wants us
to learn, to grow and to give.
He loves me incredibly and he knows every
hair on my head, every tear that I cry, when I sleep, when I’m awake, when
I’m happy and when I’m afraid. He knew me before I was born and knew
everything I was going to do, good or bad, still loved me and had already
forgiven me. I also learned that the only way to real significance
and true happiness is serving Him in the place where He wants me to be,
not where I think I should be. And if I step out of my comfort zone
at His leading, He will incredibly bless me. I can count on it….and
after I had experienced it, I wanted it to happen again and again.
I have found the secret for a fulfilled and meaningful life and I wish
the same for you also, precious reader. The Bible says that if you
seek Him with all of your heart, you will find Him. He is waiting
for YOU to come to Him. Listen to me and don’t wait too long.
Don’t MISS OUT on the incredible blessing your heavenly Father has for
you!!!
Mary Black
Mary has also contributed
a testimony from her experience as a flight attendant on board an American
Airlines flight on 9/11/01
entitled "If
I Rise on the Wings".
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