My Burden, My Rock
written by
Sandra Hammack
September 2006

(At the 2006 Dragonfly Ministries Fall Retreat, each woman was given a small rock. Her assignment was to use this rock as a symbol of something in her life that was a burden to her, something that made her worry or fear or cry or ashamed. That burden, that rock, was to be placed at the foot of the cross sometime during the retreat weekend, as a symbol that she was giving that burden to God to carry. Then she was to take a feather from the basket, symbolizing that Jesus carries our burdens and makes our load lighter to carry. Jesus said that our burdens are heavy, but He is light - He can carry our burdens for us, and make our lives lighter. Sandra Hammack wrote this prayer as a gift to God as she placed her rock, her burden, at the foot of the cross. Pictured above is the cross, the altar of stones, and the basket of feathers.)

Holy Lord and friend, I must leave this rock here with you. It hurts me so to leave it here, because to me it represents something beautiful that might have been had my choices been different. This rock was never mine to care for, to love or nurture, or from which to gain love. I have mourned this loss for many years, and even dreamt it to life, only to lose it again at my awakening. Father, since you showed it to me again night after night in dream upon sweet, quiet dream, I realize how tightly I have held it, as a sweet fantasy, all of these years. But God, this is not life and this is not living. This is instead persecuting and punishing myself for the many "what-if's" and "if only's". Lord Jesus, I do not want this pain any longer. Oh, yes, I'm willing to hold onto and embrace the sweetness of what might have been, but it is such an old dream, and it has so far brought me only dissatisfaction with myself and my choices, self degradation for the wrong doing, and pain for the non-actualization of the fairy tale. God, as much as I want to hold the fairy tale close to my breast, I want the pain to be as far as East is from West. And, Father, I realize that you will require that I give it all to you so that I may be healed. Lord, I lay it here at the foot of the cross, that it shall be covered by your blood and be made pure. The wrong in it is washed away, and its beauty now shines as a beacon to glorify Your name. Father, it is Yours to nurture and to love and to have as You will. It was never mine to hold, yet I clung so tightly. I give You what is rightfully Yours. It is a beautiful flower, Lord; please shelter it under your wing for all time. Selah .

Featured Writer
Sandra Hammack
Greenville, S.C.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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