This insight is written from a school gymnasium in Vernon Hills, Illinois, as I sit and wait for my son’s orchestra performance. As I wait, I reflect on the opportunities that come with moving from state to state … new beginnings, new adventures, new friends … but moving also comes with challenges and sacrifices . . . packing, loading, cleaning, driving, unloading, and unpacking; saying goodbye to familiar surroundings and loved ones; trusting and embracing God’s plan rather than staying in the comfort zone of my own plan; and then, there’s the challenge of staying mentally in the game when what you really want to do is climb into your sorrow and stay there. Sorrow – there’s a word that can change one’s outlook in the blink of an eye.
Sitting in this school gymnasium, I remember the places we have lived. In each move, we have witnessed God’s guiding hand and, for the most part, we have answered obediently, “Here we are, Lord, send us.” With each move, we have been in the school of life – learning to live. Our years in North Carolina were our family-formative years; we learned to depend on each other and become a family unit that functioned somewhat without dysfunction. During our Texas years, we developed friendships with families who taught us to give and take and we learned about obedience to God. We characterize our Maryland years as our church years; we fell in love with a church family, we grew spiritually as God stretched us to serve in new roles within our church and we were a part of a community where our faith made an impact.
When I think about our move to Chicago, I have to confess that this move has tested my faith and obedience to God, which is why I said, “for the most part, we have answered obediently.” We had only been in Maryland four years, our children were settled into schools, and God had blessed us with an awesome church family. When the call came to move, I prayed, “You know, Lord, we will go … but Lord, I do not want to start over. I am weary of moving; I want a home and friends and I just don’t want to go through this again.” My heart filled with sorrow at the thought of moving, and I struggled to get past the depth of sorrow, but in that depth, I found solace from the very thought of moving yet again. And that depth is where I wanted to stay. No longer was I able to see God’s blessings in sending us to another land because sorrow had me by the heart and I was focused on the leave-behinds rather than on the look-aheads.
For a while, my heart mourned the move; because of sorrow, I focused on the sacrifices of the move rather than on the opportunities of the new land. I wanted desperately to distance myself from God, selfishly wondering if the distance from Him would allow us to stay in Maryland, in our home and church; but knowing that blessings and happiness in our lives come from obeying God’s call, not from running away. I asked, “Lord, how could you move us to Maryland and allow us to fall so deeply in love with the people and the church there, and then just whisk us away? Lord, how is that fair? Can you do all of this again in Illinois? Of course, you are God – my spirit knows that You will make our next move a wonderful experience, but my heart wants to hang on to what You have given us here – I just don’t want to let go of these blessings.”
In His wisdom, God did not allow me to linger in this place of self-pity and sorrow for very long. In a slow housing market, our home miraculously sold within 10 days of being listed; we traveled to Illinois and found our new home within days. God showed us, step by step, that Illinois was the land we were to move into, and He would indeed provide for all of our cares and needs once we arrived. During this period, someone told me, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow you … not go before you, but follow you – after you are obedient to Christ.” Psalm 23:6. As much as I wanted to shout, “Shut up”, I knew that those words were true – God does pour out His blessings on His obedient children – He rewards obedience. Not disobedience. And we had learned obedience in Texas, so of course we would be obedient, and God’s goodness and mercy would follow us to Illinois. Period.
As God gently revealed Himself to me over and again, I couldn’t deny that, deep in my heart, my true desire is to please Him. And if that meant moving to a new state and starting over, then I would go – arms open wide – and I would trust His plan. Hesitantly I prayed, “Lord, I will go and I will not hide in self-pity or grumble any longer. Take this life, Lord, that you have given me, and use it to make a difference in Illinois. Here I am, Lord, send me. Here we are, Lord, send us.” In December 2007, we began settling into our new home in a new land.
Moving is not easy – even when it is God’s call on our life; even with the promise that He will go ahead and prepare the way. Hebrews 11:8 says, “By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.”
The Bible doesn’t say that Abraham asked questions or argued or complained or held onto the familiar; the Bible doesn’t say that Abraham hesitated in obeying or was sorrowful that God had called him to a new land. It reads, Abraham obeyed and went – period.
Once again, after surrendering my life to the Lord, again, here I am; here we are … Settling in. Unpacking. Making friends. Finding a church home. Meeting prayer partners. Discovering malls, shopping centers, grocery stores. Visiting doctors. Shoveling snow. And enjoying this place where God has brought us. I know that, as we follow God, our lives will be filled with challenges, opportunities and sacrifices, and I pray that, as we learn obedience through suffering, that God will draw us closer to Him and that, over time, the thought and temptation of running away or hesitating to obey will disappear.
As I close this Insight for February 2008, I glance down at the verse taped to my computer which reads, ”The God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory in Christ, after we have suffered a little while, will Himself restore us and make us strong, firm and steadfast.” I Peter 5:10. Yes, the spiritual challenge of trusting and embracing God’s plan rather than our own is a challenge that we meet over and again. God is faithful and He will, once again, provide all that we need for our journey – whether it is in Illinois or elsewhere. God will restore us and make us strong, firm and steadfast, and He will replace our sorrow with songs of deliverance when we are obedient to His call.
Alas, the school orchestra begins to play, bringing me back into reality as I listen to the eighth grade orchestra making beautiful music with strings and bows, bringing music to my heart and songs of deliverance to my spirit, strengthening me for these new beginnings!
